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  Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the pearly gates: "For Service Ring Bell." Away he goes but barely gets started when BING!  The bell rings. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's there. Peter goes back to work when suddenly BING!  The bell rings again. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's there. A little annoyed, Peter goes back to work. Suddenly, BING!  The bell rings again. Peter goes back; again, no one's there.  "Okay, that's it," Peter says. "I'm going to hide and watch to see what's going on." So Peter hides, and a moment later, a little old man walks up and rings the bell.  Peter jumps out and yells, "Aha! Are you the guy who keeps ringing the bell?"  "Yes, that's me," the little old man says.  "Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?" Peter asks.  "I can't help it — they keep resuscitating me!” he replies.  By Covenant 

  An elderly American couple went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.  The undertaker explained to the husband that "You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150."  The man thought about it and told him that he would just have his wife shipped home.  The undertaker was surprised. He asked the man: "Why would you spend $5,000 to have your wife shipped home when it would be wonderful for her to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"  The husband replied: "Long ago, a man died here, was buried, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that risk."  By Covenant 

  There is life after, political campaigns, so don't be carried away by sweet words. By Covenant 

Credit: Anete Lusina on Pexels The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.  The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.  The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.  I'm not  sure the IRS finds that believable."  I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa.  How about a demonstration?"  The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."  Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."  The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet." Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.  The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites...

  Credit: Pexels  A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.  "No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral.  "You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."  "I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied. By now the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"  "I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town."  By Covenant 

  Image from pexels  There I was sitting at the juice bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker comes in and steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.  " Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.  "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."  "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.  When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance .  I left my wallet in the cab I took home then my dog bit me."  " So I came here to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But that's enough about me, how's your day going?"  By Covenant 

Credited: Image from Pexels  • You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. •The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. •A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. •It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. •Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. •All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. •A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. •If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. •When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. •Television news bulletins usually contai...

A father chastised his son for his misbehavior, the child got offended and decided to leave the house. He gathered his clothes, teddy bear, and piggy bank and joyfully declared, "I am running away from home!" The father chose to approach the situation logically. "What if you become hungry?" he wondered. "Then I will come home and eat!" answered the child courageously. "What if you run out of cash?" "I will come home and get some!" exclaimed the child eagerly. The man then made one more try, saying, "What if your clothes get dirty?" He replied; "Then I will come home and let mommy wash them for me,". The dad shaking his head and exclaimed! "This kid is not really running away from home; he's going off to college ."  By Covenant